TJ Miller does not have a blog

I shouldn't have a blog. This is my blog about it.

Location: Chicago, U.S. Outlying Islands Also, follow me on TWITTER @nottjmiller

Saturday, March 31, 2007

Dream Journal #34

Last night I had a dream where a robot could dance better than me. We were all doing the robot, and he was just more natural. And then we did the "person" and he was better at that than me as well. It was really embarrassing, and I went over to the chips to eat and be alone, but the chips were all soggy, and then I realized I had been crying in the chips and the dip for a while and everyone was sideways glancing at me. The tears ruined the chips but actually complimented the artichoke dip, which I thought had too much chipotle mayonaise. I then sat in a chair which became a shark but was more comfortable and remained still long enough for me to carry on a conversation with a Mule with the head of my father and the tenacity of my mother. I got up to leave, but the front door led directly into my car, which was confusing at first but then just convenient. Then I drove/flew to a third grade classroom where I could see myself answering a question incorrectly, so when the bell rang I changed the answer and later found out the young me was right, I was wrong, and thus he got a B-. I elected not to tell him and drove/flew back to the party but everyone was gone except for the robot who was sleeping on an ottoman which turned into an otter.

I interpret that I'm having trouble with recent events.

It's been a while

since I've posted guys!!! Sorry!! I realize that a lot of you check this daily and I'm not writing much, and I'm going to try and do more of that, but it's hard, I've got so much going on! Okay, first off, two of my cats are sick, sick as dogs LOL! One has gangreen (don't ask me!!) and the other has a degenerative nerve disease that comes only from sever alcoholism. It came as a shock to me and my doctor, who was with me at the veterinarian (in case I pass out!!!). So it's hard enough to keep track of all my animals and their ailments, much less blog on a yearly or bi-annually basis, but I'm TRYIN!!!

talk soon,



I shot a pilot. In the head. With my jokes.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Okay Doorman

Okay doorman to the office building. I'll show you my ID again, even though I just showed it to you 15 minutes ago. Sure. I'll show you. But I know you remember me. Don't act like you don't, I know you. I can see it in your eyes. I was going to offer you half of my muffin, but I was so mad. . . I didn't even buy one.

4 channel amp

I got a four channel amp for the ford focus. I'm getting chrome 17s for it too. Believe that.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006


Today I spent 20 to 30 minutes to find parking. Just when I was about to give up and pay 15 dollars to park in a garage, I decided to go one more time around and found parking immediately. How amazing is that? I mean how increible is that? And I can never tell people how excited I are about something like that because they can never share in our excitement. I saved money just by taking a chance. I think we can all learn a little something about life because of this.

Casual sex is demeaning for all involved.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

I did not get the gilmore girls part

see the above subject line. This was apparent months ago.

Excuse me

Today I went into 7-11 to get some breakfast. When I was looking for hair gel so that my hair would look nice at the office today, the budweiser delivery man was trying to stock beer. When he went past me, he said "excuse me" and I wanted to say, "excuse you for what? For the thousands of dollars and hundreds of wasted hours I've spent on the very product that you are propagating, the drug that you help peddle to millions of people every year, the drug that destroys families, relationships and lives every day? Or excuse you because you need to get by me?" But I didn't say that, because I think that he probably was just saying it to get by me, because I was in his way.

Friday, December 30, 2005

Drum and Bass

One of my favorite kinds of music is Drum and Bass, and I listen to it mostly on I went to a drum and bass night at Lava Lounge Wednesday and it was great. Bass By the Pound put it on, they are a Chicago Drum and Bass Collective. Yeah. Awesome. I'm going to start going more, it's every wednesday. We should all go.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

More Crackers than ever

They brought crackers and candy to the office I'm sort of working at. I ate more crackers than I ever have, I think, and certainly I ate more italian breadsticks then I ever have. I'm trying not to spend any money for two days, and it's working if I con't spend any money tonight. MySpace is a good way to be friends wtih people.
In L.A. I hung out with my friend Andrew Kahn. He's funny, and a blast. I'm nearly certain that we stumbled into a strip club on Sunset Strip for several hours around noon on a tuesday. I think I learned the most about L.A. there, about what it means to be a star, and what it means to be the guy paying 55 dollars to the star to feel like you're her boyfriend for one song.


Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Los Angeles

Los Angeles is weird. Really weird. I think most of all it weirded me out that it weirded me out so much. I did a show at the comedy store on Sunday. Wow. I'll just say wow.

What are you guys doing for New Years? Can I come?

-Los Tangeles